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Why Did Denethor Dislike His Own Son Faramir So Much? Tolkien’s Books Offer a Much Clearer Answer

David Wenham

Love, resentment, jealousy, and political fears — what lay behind the Steward of Gondor’s cold attitude toward his younger son?

Faramir is one of the noblest characters in The Lord of the Rings. But his father, Denethor, seemed to see nothing in him but weakness. In Peter Jackson’s films, this coldness was taken to the extreme: Denethor humiliates Faramir, sends him on a suicidal mission, and refuses to believe in his valor. Why did this happen? The answer lies not only in their personalities, but also in Gondor’s deeper fears, losses, and politics.

Faramir Was Born After Loss — and Became a Reminder of Pain

When Faramir was born, his mother, Finduilas, was already worn down by longing for her homeland and weakened by life in the grim shadow of Mordor. She died soon after, and, as often happens with grief, it found someone to blame. Denethor, perhaps unconsciously, might have blamed his son for his wife’s death. He was left with an infant who resembled neither himself nor Boromir and served as a painful reminder of all he had lost.

Too Gentle to Be an Heir?

Faramir preferred books, music, and reflection. He didn’t admire the sword for its sharpness, but rather valued the peace that swords defend. These words — "I do not love the sword for its sharpness... I love that which it protects" — capture his character perfectly. But to Denethor, this sounded like weakness. Raised in a medieval mindset, the Steward saw such a son not as a warrior, but as a dreamer. Especially in contrast to Boromir — strong, martial, direct. And it was Boromir who became his favorite.

Boromir and Denethor

But Boromir Fell, and Faramir Withstood

Irony had its way: Boromir, Denethor’s pride, was the first to fall to the temptation of the Ring. Faramir, on the other hand, resisted. He understood the danger of power and refused to take the Ring even when it was within his grasp. This moral strength was far greater than any sword — but Denethor did not see it. Or chose not to.

Gandalf Was Another Crack in Their Relationship

Faramir respected Gandalf, listened to him, learned from him. But Denethor saw the wizard as a threat. He even called his son 'the wizard’s pupil', which, to him, was practically a curse. Anything associated with Gandalf aroused suspicion — from fear of losing power to hidden envy. Denethor also suspected that Gandalf supported Aragorn — the heir who could reclaim the throne and end the stewards’ line.

Faramir Was Not Unloved — He Was Misunderstood

The tragedy of Denethor and Faramir lies not in hatred, but in misunderstanding. In a distorted love that had no way to express itself. Denethor loved Boromir too much to forgive Faramir for not being him. And Faramir respected his father too much to give up hope of being seen. In the end, they remained on opposite sides — not only of the war, but of their own grief.

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